Dear Masterful Redeemer,
As I read a wonderful book about Your unfailing, merciful love, one sentence hit me hard. It made me think about my own life. I pondered in frustration the statement and it’s application to my life. Frustration came so easily because I thought it was the answer to finally getting something that I have envisioned for years. I was frustrated because I didn’t think there would be an answer to this statement in my life.
The statement background: I read a book about Ruth. Some chapters focus on Boaz Ruth’s future husband. At the end of each chapter in the book, the author had a small story of someone who saw themselves as Ruth. One personal story said something along the lines of “your Boaz comes just when you need him the most.” That was it! That was the statement that had me frustrated and unsure of me ever getting a Boaz. I thought “While then my Boaz is never coming because I will never need him. I have God as my protector, provider, First and true Love, friend, coach, Savior, wise Counsel, and the list will never end. For what reason would I need a Boaz? And since I want a man who put God first in all things, for what reason would he need me?” I couldn’t think of why I would be needed in his life or why would he would be needed in my life.
God can You tell me how I would be needed and how I would need him? Should I just wait until the time comes?
This world in which I live teaches me to be very independent. I have learned that being dependent on some else is a weakness. It’s easier to lean on You God because no one else knows the inner workings of our relationship. No one else can hear my private cries and pleas. No one else understands the ways that You make me smile. No one else gets the secret things I do specifically because I love You because You first loved me.
I guess relationships require vulnerability, trust, and commitment. When I am vulnerable, I don’t want to be laughed at or misunderstood; I just want to be heard and accepted. In order to trust another, I have to feel safe around them. It would be comforting to know someone is committed to my safety and to accepting me. The most important part is to have that person want these things from me in return. Accountability is another prime factor in relationships. Will you be able to hold me accountable to God? Will you allow me to hold you accountable to God? Will we both keep our word? Will we be forgiving when we don’t?
At the end of reading the book, a recurring thought stayed with me “I want to love a David but be loved by a Boaz.” In that, God has to make me humble like Bathsheba, hard working like Ruth, and wise in the fear of the Lord like both of them. Jesus,You got a whole lota work to do in me!!
Thank You Sweet Savior for hearing my cry and answering my questions by addressing my fears (and answering my questions according to Your word and not my flesh!). One detail I know is true and two that make my story different: my name is not Ruth or Bathsheba and his name is not Boaz or David.
Your Friend and Love