All posts for the month April, 2012

Probably better left unsaid

Published April 26, 2012 by vfAith

Dear SB*,

You may not know this, but I have written many letters to you prior to this one.  You may not read this, but this is the last letter I am writing to you.

The past couple of days I have been thinking, praying, and missing you something terrible.  I kept asking God why is he constantly on my mind?  I don’t want to remember his touch or words.  I don’t want to remember his worries or my worries for him.  But each day they just seemed to intensify!  Then, I talked to my bestie.  She told me I sounded like my heart was heavy but I have to just rejoice now for the things God are going to do in your life.

Even though you are not really feeling God now, I have been praying for you so much and for long periods of time.  I want you to know the love of God so you can live freely in this life.  Free from anger, free from worry, free from doubt, free from everything holding you back from walking in this life with your head held high.  I want you to be the king that God has created you to be.  In order to get there you have to face the kid pride, anxieties, and uncertainties.  You are a conqueror. You will over come! You just have to do it humbly under the name of Jesus.  Trust me there is nothing wrong or shameful in the name of Christ.

This letter is not only to encourage you; it is also to help me move on.  I need to have a light heart before I go into another relationship.  I shouldn’t be weighed down because of you.  You aren’t even around to weigh me down.  It’s just time for me to let go.  While I was talking to my bestie, I told her that you don’t even remember me (or at least you don’t remember us).  You developed a coping mechanism to keep you from going crazy with pain from past people.  I just hope you forgive me and the others that have hurt you so that you don’t have just “cope” with the things of this life.  I really want the best for you, yet as I have said in another letter who is wanting the best for me.

You will always be a wondrous memory.  Maybe we will meet again someday.  But today, I have to let you go and trust you into God’s all encompassing and loving hands.  I have always said to God that He must love you a lot to put you on my heart.  He definitely loves you more than I love you.  But it is true . . . I love you. Or I may have loved the you I made you.  That is why I hurt the real you.  Once again, I am sorry.



*changed the name


Family Talks

Published April 20, 2012 by vfAith

Dear Jesus,

Today was the first day in six that my family was able to have a family meal.  We talked, planned, and were together.

Jesus, family means more to me than I realized before.  In family is a connection, which cannot be found anywhere else.  Even though I am an only child, I feel from my parents an ever flowing and overflowing love.  Not one more sibling or another household member could ever give me the love that I receive here and now.  When I was younger I always wanted a sibling.  Yet God in Your infinite wisdom, You made me the one and only to my mother and father.  You also included a stepmother and stepfather who found a special spot in their hearts to still call me daughter.  Even though my biological father has passed, and my stepmother had to separate from me because I reminded her of him, my stepfather (who I now call dad) and my mother have kept me in one precious piece and in Your perfect peace.

The real privilege was in our personal time.  First I talked with my dad.  We walked Gusto and enjoyed the cool spring dusk.  The neighborhood was quiet with many families eating inside.  Out neighbor was celebrating his birthday with family and friends (he is 29 again [probably times two but i don’t have to know the details). We went over to give our appreciation for him in our lives. My dad’s views on my workplace situation were levelheaded, dynamic, and refreshingly different from my mother’s and mine.

My mother and I are the planners.  We talked about church events, promotions, trips, and activities that would bring people together.  My administrative ideas are a true example of the saying “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”  (Lord I just realized there is an alliteration in that cliche.)

All in all thank You Lord of Hosts, for this unit called family.


Your Loved Friend


Published April 13, 2012 by vfAith

rock, hard

mostly cold

unmovable, unshakable

feelings untold

firm, solid

rarely losing form

there, right there

leaving’s not it’s norm

winds, rains

got what it takes

heat, pressure

finally breaks

glimmer, shine

something new

ruby, diamond

it’s the new you

In the End You will be Wise

Published April 13, 2012 by vfAith

Dear Heavenly Father,

This week was full of advice. It started with You advising me to take heed through verse 20 of chapter 19 in Proverbs.  “Listen to advice and accept instruction and in the end you will be wise.”

At work, I have been having a difficult time relating to my co-workers.  When I was a host, we (the servers and myself) were around each other for only minutes at a time because we had our different positions respectively.  As a server, however, I am with the other servers for, well, my whole shift.  The difficult part, Lord, is that our common ground is null and void.  Smoking, drinking, having sex, playing video games, and making vulgar comments are not activities that I’m involved in.  People talk about what they know and experience.  When we don’t know and experience the same things there isn’t much to talk about.

So God, my feelings about the other servers and our disconnection leaked out through my attitude toward them.  The exact problem was that I had a bad attitude toward them.  I thought myself better than them because I didn’t live like them (yet I was secretly jealous because they all lived like that giving them a connection; honestly I felt left out but instead of letting that pain hurt me, I let my proud cover the truth; thus, I looked down on them).  Many servers then started to say in different ways “I like you better as a host.”

God, You had to use someone unexpected and do something out of the ordinary in order for me to be my ordinary self.  He did.

On Tuesday, my friend Eliam* gave me a pep talk, with the bottom line being don’t judge them but continue to be who you are.  This was someone unexpected because I am usually the one giving him encouraging words.

Yesterday (April 11, 2012, Wednesday) the out of the ordinary happened when I lost my book, which holds my money and receipts.  I looked for about 10-15 minutes for it.  I went places I didn’t go throughout the night.  I asked certain people if they saw it.  All I could do was give up and go home.  Right then my co-worker said “Are you not going to ask me if I found your book?”  I looked at his apron pocket and there it was right behind his book!  I hugged him in the middle of the restaurant (which you are not supposed to do) I squealed, I got loud and I had a whole mood change.  He told me to check the money to see if anything was taken, because he wasn’t sure how long it was in the spot he found it.  There wasn’t a dollar missing!!!!!  Lord the best part was when he told me “I did that to humble you.  Because you lost your humility when you became a server, you need to stop caring for people.”  In other words don’t take things so seriously.  He also advised me to keep my money in my pocket, if I am the kind of person who would leave things around.  This way if that happens again someone else had nothing to take from me.  God through You and that experience, the disconnect was broken because I was humbled and realized that our connection is in the fact that we are human!

Thank you for this lesson and I will say glory to You name.



*I changed his name because I think that’s proper

Wills, Wills

Published April 5, 2012 by vfAith

Dear Heavenly Father,

Today, I read about Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane (I still can’t pronounce that word: geth-sim-ma-nee). Jesus was obedient.  Yet, in the garden He was real with You.  He cried, prayed, and asked You to make it so He would not have to suffer.  He asked You three times.  He stayed awake in agony before You while His disciples slept.  He came to You while Judas was coming to get Him.  Since He came to You first (as Solomon said “Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will direct you path), You Father were able to give Him confidence in the hope that He was going to be victorious at the end of this path.

Yesterday, I got into a pickle at work.  I gave the wrong check to one of my guest.  The check that they were supposed to have was for a greater amount than the check that I gave them.  They paid for the check I presented them.  I went to close the check on the computer and realized my mistake.  The Holy Spirit was nudging me to print the right check.  I didn’t.  I saw they were still there.  The Holy Spirit encouraged me to get my manager to reopen the check and give it to them.  I didn’t.  That night I lost $20 in tips because I didn’t do the what the Holy Spirit was telling me.  I didn’t do what He was telling me because I thought that I had it under control.  Even more honest, Lord, I was scared that the guest would be upset that they had to pay more and not pay their actual bill anyway.

Lord, my point is can You help me surrender my control to You.  I need Your help to be more like Jesus and be honest with You, but at the end of it all say let Your will be done.  I know that my example was small compared to Your actions Jesus, however if I can say “Yes!” to the small things, I know You will be able to trust me with the bigger things.  It’s important for me to understand that I don’t have to live this life by my own strength.  For real though, my strength leads to the short end of the stick (I came home with $8).

Thank you God for showing me Your mercy in teaching me this lesson.  I feel like Jesus would have said to me like He said to the disciples when they cried out for help while the storm was raging around them  “Oh, yea of little faith.”  My King, please turn my faith into the size of a mustard seed.

You are so ever holy Lord and I will always praise Your name. Hallelujah! Come on again trial, I am ready to give God control!